Rough (& expensive) start to the New Year

Ok, so the 2018 has been a bit of a rough start. I wasn’t expecting everything to go absolutely perfectly, but I hadn’t expected this either. — sigh

Earlier this month I took my car in for an oil change and to have some minor work done (I was having the mechanics try to determine if my car was leaking oil or just burning it) and after getting my vehicle up on the lift they came out to tell me that my fuel tank is leaking. (Not something that I really liked the sound of, especially since my son is in the car with me almost every day.) They took me back to show me what they were talking about and told me that the cost to repair the fuel tank was going to exceed the value of my car. (Not super surprising since my car is¬†14 years old.) After spending some time talking to the mechanics, asking as many questions as I could think of the scary, stressful inevitability of needing to replace my car stopped being inevitable and became immediately necessary. ūüė¶

As you can imagine the next few days were stressfully spent trying to find a safe, reliable car that will last as long as possible for a cost that would not be impossible for me to pay. There were a few close calls and I certainly wasn’t lucky enough to find the perfect car (as far as my son is concerned the perfect car would have been one that was the same make, model and color of the old car, especially since that car is the car that he grew up in), but I did find something that I was very pleased about. Of course after finding a possible replacement the next stressful step is that of figuring out how in the hell you are going to pay for it without getting screwed. Aside from the stress of feeling like I had to get a newer car ASAP due to the issue of the leaking fuel tank the money portion of this process is what really freaks me out because it doesn’t end once you finalize things. You have to pay for it every¬†month. Month after month after month until you are lucky enough to have the car paid off and each month you make that payment there is that fear of, how am I going to be able to afford this payment this month on top of everything else that I have to pay? At least that is a fear for me. I’ll be honest, I live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t like it and I want to find a way to change that, but as a single mom who is already working two jobs with very little down time it is hard to break that cycle. It’s hard to even begin trying to figure out how to get out of that cycle, and whether you want to believe it or not it is a major process of trial and error and figuring out what will work best because just when you think you have a system figured out something happens and guess what — you don’t have it figured out at all.

Alright, I have gotten far enough off topic here, so let’s get back to the heart of the matter here.

I knew that my car would have to be replaced in the relatively near future, but had hoped to be able to get at least a couple more years out of her, especially since she had nothing owed on her. She has been free and clear for the majority of her life with me and that has made things easier. My son is struggling with the necessity of her replacement more than I am. This is the car that he has spent the majority of his life so far in and he thinks of her as part of the family. I have explained that we need a safe and reliable vehicle and that as much as I love our older car I need to know that he is going to be safe if there were to be an accident. He seems to understand, but I know that he is still sad about the fact that we are having to say goodbye.

Ultimately what it comes down to is this — it is what it is and I will do anything and everything I can to make it work because that is what I have to do. Doesn’t mean that it is going to be easy, so all I can hope for now is that with the rough (and expensive) start to the new year the year will end on a high note.

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Posted by on January 23, 2018 in General, Letters to Self


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