Time has been going by so much more quickly than I have been prepared to deal with. For the most part this has not been a bad thing, although it has definitely been frustrating, but there are a couple of things that I am starting to feel breathing down my neck. The one that I am writing about today is one that until a few months ago I had not expected to encounter for many years. How to tell my son that I have started seeing someone and that I really want them to meet. I always kind of figured that the conversation would happen eventually, but I always kind of pictured that my son would be a teenager when we had this conversation, but as it has turned out that is not the case. Instead my son is 5 and as time passes on my relationship with BD I find myself thinking more and more about how and when I am going to tell my son. I am trying to figure out what to do about about my ex because I know that if I don’t tell my ex my son will tell him. There are so many things that I could write about regarding my ex and the conversation about the fact that I have started dating, but that will have to wait for another entry as my desire for this entry to be focused on my son who is the most important person in my life.
I still have not decided exactly when I am going to tell my son about BD, but it won’t be for a little while yet, which is good because I really have no idea what I am going to tell him. For the most part I am not too worried about it because my son tends to like everybody and I would be very surprised if he doesn’t like BD, but on the other hand my son has had me pretty much all to himself for most of his life. Even when I was still married to his father I was a stay at home mother and my whole world willingly revolved around my son and since his father decided that he wanted the divorce it has been even more of me and my son against the world. I worry that he may feel like I don’t love him as much as I did before and that he will start to get jealous of BD.
Ok, so I may be overthinking things a little bit (or a lot) here, and let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be the first time, but there is nothing that I can do about that because my son is my whole world and BD is becoming more and more important to me as everyday passes. BD and I have had very serious conversations about marriage, having a baby and essentially spending the rest of our lives together. With that being the case I do not want the relationship between my son and BD to start off negatively. Conflict will be inevitable and eventually unavoidable, but I would prefer to put that off for as long as absolutely possible.
My son is only 5, but he understands more than most people, his father in particular, give him credit for. I am sure that he has some kind of an idea that something is going on and something is different with Momma because of some of the questions that he has asked me lately. I have done my best to answer those questions without giving him too much information too early (his questions have caught me more than a little unprepared), but if I ever want them to meet I am going to have to tell him something in the near future. I have thought about just having them meet without told him anything in advance, but I don’t feel right about that at all and don’t think that would be fair to my son or BD. But how do I begin the conversation? I don’t want to just say that BD is just a friend and then potentially have my son get upset when he sees us holding hands or kissing.
It’s times like this where I wish that I could shut part of my brain off, in particular the part that keeps thinking about all possible variables that I might encounter in any given situation. I mean it is good to be prepared and all, but eventually no preparing gets done because all that ends up happening is thinking of variable after variable after yet another variable.
Like most everything in life there is really no way to be truly prepared for this and all I can do is my best when the time comes. Of course when it is all said and done all that matters is that I love my son so much more than anything in the world and I know that he loves me and no matter what happens in this world or in our lives that love will never fade or end and we will always have each other. I will do everything in my power to reinforce that fact to him every day of his life. More than that I know that BD loves me and not only understands how important my son is to me, but is also supportive and has reassured me that he not only wants to establish a good, solid relationship with my son, but also that he will do everything that he can in order to make that happen. Just another adventure in this new life of mine.