In the years before my son was born (or when he was too little to be aware of or understand what I was watching) a Friday the 13th would have been marked and even somewhat celebrated by watching at least one of the Friday the 13th movies. If possible I would have invited a friend or two to “celebrate” with me if they were so inclined, but would have willingly watched the movie (or movies) by myself. There is no real significance in this pseudo-tradition, just something silly for my own amusement. In the two and a half months since 2015 started there have already been two Friday the 13ths and I have not followed the pseudo-tradition on either of them. That fact is not sad or upsetting or anything. Hell it’s not even really all that odd (I am sure that I have missed MANY Friday the 13ths over the years for one reason or another), but for some reason today it stands out in my mind as just one more “tradition” that I am not “celebrating”.
Why is this something that really stuck out to me today, but didn’t really occur to me during last month’s Friday the 13th? Watching the movies during the day would not have been realistic for a few reasons, but even if it would have worked out I wasn’t really in the mood to watch any of them. Even now that it is night time and my son is asleep in his bed, watching one of the movies would work and the fact that I have been all too aware of the date today I still am not really interested in watching one. I guess on the surface that might not sound all that worthy of mention, but it feels like it is, so here I am writing about it. (I really don’t get me most of the time.)
For as long as I can remember I have been somewhat intrigued by scary movies of all kinds. Call it morbid curiosity, but there is something so primal about a scary movie that I can’t help but be at least a little bit fascinated by. The Friday the 13th series is no exception (despite the fact they get pretty stupid as you continue through the franchise. I don’t go looking for any deeper meaning in the movies and would probably be a little surprised if I was to find out that any of the movies were meant to be some kind of complicated and subtle metaphor for something. I’ve heard all the arguments for how scary movies made around that same time are meant to be warnings for how drinking, sex and drugs are all horrible and will lead to horrible and gruesome end, but I don’t know if I can really believe that was the intent behind the movies. Instead I generally take them at face value and appreciate that more than likely they were movies that were made for the (hellish) thrill of it. Even ones that were made based on true stories. I guess you could say that I appreciate them for the emotional response that they are intended to create.
All of that aside, why is the fact that today is Friday March 13, 2015, but I did not and am not currently watching a Friday the 13th movie sort of bothering me? My day was a good one. Relatively calm (or as calm as it can be with a 4 year old running around), somewhat productive and a much needed day of recovery after a stressful week and before another one begins. Maybe the answer is simply that it bothers me because I knew that today was my only day to really try and relax before being shoved back into the world outside my apartment tomorrow morning. Maybe it is that, as I have said so many times, I have already lost so much because of this unwanted and unwelcome divorce that I don’t want to lose any more regardless of how small or insignificant it may be. Maybe there is no meaning to it at all. It could simply be that this was the one thing that was not work or ex related that my mind could latch on to and try to process. I seriously doubt that I will ever know the truth and that’s pretty much par for the course lately, but one thing is for sure – whatever the reason for the confusion, if any, the day is over and I am still breathing, That has to count for something. (Right?)